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What is True Friendship?

Café-Salon Philosophique #16

June 20, 1998

No. of Participants: 30

Evening's Topic: "Exploring Your Visions and Philosophy for the 21st Century - Human Relations. What is friendship?"

Samuel began the evening's discussion by asking, "What is friendship? How do we recognize and acquire friendship?"

We were then asked to share our definitions of friendship. Sharon began by saying, "friendships nurture the heart." Duane thinks that "friendships grow where there is mutual respect and appreciation for each other." Richard sees friendship as, "consistency." "The ability for someone to appreciate where you are and not try to change you."

Betsy felt that there is a "synchronicity in friendship." "Friends help make your life whole." Wayne thought "that one needs to be your self with no hidden agendas in order to be friends with other people." "The roles of victim and victimizer must stop." Stephanie finds friendship develops after a "certain level of trust is established - a degree of intimacy must be spawned."

Pam stated that, "Real friendship is rare." "There are lots of different relationships, and it takes time to develop beyond superficial means." Kaku spoke of friendship as being "two persons sharing equally in a relationship." "Sharing on all levels." "It's someone that respects your path."

Marc said that "anything can be a friend - a couch, a dog, whatever resonates with you." Sandra is "influenced by friends towards growth." Terri says "that there needs to be honesty, the ability to listen and hear what the other person is really trying to tell you." Stan connects "intellectually" with a person as a friend, and "emotionally" with his family. Brad agreed and added that "there are many types of friends." Angeline thinks "friendship requires the ability to change." Alison stated that "friends are instant connections." "A person is lucky if they have 1-3 good friends in their lifetime." Paul said "there must be a mutual respect," and Oscar seems to think that friendships "are very difficult to form."

Conversation then moved to considering, "Just what are we looking for in a friend? Why do we want a friend? Because we are lonely? How do we recognize a friend? How do we attract and maintain friendship? How do you earn a friend?"

Stephanie said that friendship "just happens." "The right chemistry is needed between two people." Betsy added that we are "like animals sniffing each other out." And Angeline "synchronizes with people rather than being manipulated by people." Sharon agreed with the "sniffing notion," but believes "friends also have warm eyes and a nice smile."

Brad believes that in order to make friends, "you have to have the interest and put forth the effort in making and sustaining friendships." Alison added that "expectations can change the way friends relate." "You gotta be open and vulnerable in order to go with the changes in establishing and maintaining a strong friendship."

Samuel then asked, "How is friendship and the way of relating going to change in the future?" Angeline stated, "that the time of the artist has come." One needs to respect themselves as an artist and creator and learn to express their creativity."

Samuel offered that one is going to have to train one's self to recognize "being friends with all." We have been conditioned to "isolate" ourselves from our self, others or by "hiding" in various groups and organizations. Marta stated that "she couldn't see the possibility of being friends with everyone." "A little discretion is necessary when making friends."

Marc wanted to share how he envisions in the future there being "various and specific groups of humans and animals that are able to live together in harmony."

Discussion then moved to how communication has changed over time. Where we once took time to communicate in person, (one on one), we now just "fax it" or use "the Internet" for instant communication. Human people skills are becoming lax - because of the influence of the computer, computer games and TV.

Even trying to communicate to humans over the telephone can be difficult and frustrating when one listens for 5-10 minutes through 3 to 4 menus before being able to even "leave a message" in order to "talk with someone." So without people skills, without one taking the time to learn about one's self, how can one expect to know where the the future of friendship is going?

Samuel offered that "conscious effort is needed to earn a friend, but just how do you this?" Alison said you just "open up and let a person in." This was the only response to this question.

In summary, Samuel left us with these thoughts. "Before one can go out, seek and earn friends, one must become friends with the self. Friendships can be a good way for one to learn about themselves, but the best friends, are the ones who can become friends with themselves and then with other people."

Samuel then asked us if we could truly say that we were 100% friends with our selves? A pause of silence, before a few meekly responded with "no." "Why can't we be 100% friends with ourselves?" he asked. Because of "the saboteur" (the critical, negative thinker) tries and stops us from acting upon good intentions and thoughts that might possibly be pleasurable.

Samuel thinks that for friendship to happen in the future, one is going to have to be totally honest with the self before being a "universal friend." One needs to know totally that "they are the most important person." Marta then asked Samuel to continue to share his definition of friendship, He stated that, "A friend is a mirror. Someone that can show me myself in order that I may grow and learn."

In conclusion, he left us with these thoughts, "Remember that you are the beginning and the end." "Be a walking invitation in thought and action in order to be a friend and to have friends." He then stated, "I can be friends with all." But, he acknowledged that, "this can be very difficult in our world that is not totally civilized. Reality does not permit us to be "friends with all." The potential is there. One must build a solid foundation of trust for the self and be nonjudgmental." Friends come by way of being friends with the self first, then one can mirror to others.

To conclude the evening's topic, we were left with these questions to ponder over. "Do I watch as Society changes life or do I change and alter Society by the way I live life? Is Globalization an enemy or a friend and to whom? The company or the individual? How DO I go about changing my self? Also, the group did not focus on envisioning what friendships would be like in the future. How do we un-limit the conventional notion of the concept of friendship that we have today?"

Our next meeting for Cafe Philosophique is Saturday, July 11, 1998, 7:30 p.m. at Barnes & Noble, 2915 Pearl St., Boulder, CO. We will be continuing with the present topic of "Envisioning Changes for the Future - Human Relations." Hope to see you then!

Reported by Alessandra

"Samuel brings awareness to the soul of people and gives the artists who work under his direction the need, dedication, and love for the world of silence and the beautiful art of movement."

 

- Marcel Marceau, BIP 1961

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LCDS is an independent school for self-discovery through the human Arts.  The school offers seminars and workshops teaching the concepts of Theater, Mime, and Movement.